Peer pressure: Teach your children how to respond

When our children start going to school with other children or doing another type of group activity, it is normal that they notice a change in behavior. Maybe they behave differently or have adopted a new saying, skill, or area of ​​interest. Or maybe her attitude has changed. Your child may be responding to “peer pressure,” which is the influence of other people in their group or the pressure to conform to a certain group in order to be accepted. When we think of peers, we often think of our children’s friends at school or peers, but a peer can be any member of a social group who has similar interests, experiences, or social status.¹

The desire to belong is a normal part of being human and can affect people regardless of age (yes, we adults can be vulnerable to peer pressure too). Although it can happen to anyone, we often use the term “peer pressure” when talking about children or teenagers. This generally happens at this time when our children are facing a major dilemma and are in a developmental phase of finding their identity. They want to experience a sense of belonging and therefore may be vulnerable to changing their behavior, values ​​or interests.²

It is normal for children to imitate what they see and hear in order to learn and copy those around them. However, as puberty progresses, they become even more vulnerable to peer pressure. This is because they realize that other people around them and the interactions they have with those people are important and change their perception.³

Belonging to a group (from an evolutionary perspective) gives us security because we can rely on other people to help us. This drives us to want to belong. Therefore, it is common in adolescence to conform, especially in terms of appearance, style, values, ideologies and tastes, because they want to show that they belong.³ However, their behavior can be associated with risk-taking because their behavior occurs in large groups and depends on the attitudes (or norms) of that group. The desire to be socially accepted by popular groups can cause teenagers to become vulnerable to peer pressure and to engage in behaviors they would not normally engage in (e.g., risky or negative behavior) because they are too fit in with certain people or want to be viewed positively by them.⁴

This strong desire to fit in or the fear of “standing out,” being excluded or marginalized can lead our children to want to follow the example of their peers.¹ Peer pressure can be spoken or unspoken. An example of outright peer pressure is a friend who encourages your child to follow their example, goads them, or wants them to engage in a certain type of behavior. Unspoken peer pressure is more about the standard or example that a group sets with its behavior that sets the tone or expectation for how your child should behave in order to feel like they belong. This is the concept of “everyone does it” and then joins in.⁵

There are two other different types of peer pressure, positive and negative:

With this type, you feel pressure to do something that is risky or dangerous for yourself or others. Some examples could be:^6.7

• Smoking cigarettes, taking drugs or drinking alcohol
• Skip school
• Bullying or teasingly
• aggression
• Vandalism or other criminal behavior
• Risky sexual behavior
• Exclude others
• Dressing or acting a certain way (positive or negative)

Although we often perceive peer pressure as negative, it is the group’s values ​​that determine our child’s behavior. If their peers are prosocial or positive, compassionate or altruistic, our children will also adopt these behaviors.^8th Some examples of positive peer pressure could be:

• Strive for better grades to keep up with friends
• save money
• Get a job after school
• voluntary work
• Including others
• Disapproval of negative behaviors (drinking, vandalism, etc.)

Although peer pressure is normal for our children and teens and they probably cannot avoid it completely, some strategies can help them recognize and deal with it.

Start conversations at a young age about what peer pressure looks and feels like. This way, they will know what to look for and will hopefully be able to talk to you more easily about situations among their peers or in social situations. You might point out scenes in a TV show or book you’re reading in which characters exclude or pressure their friends in some way. And to take it a step further, ask them how they think it would feel for the person to be left out or under pressure. For older children, you might talk about viral videos or other social media challenges and some dangers or pitfalls.

Okay, we can’t plan for every eventuality, but you may be able to identify a few challenges that either particularly concern you or that you’re anticipating. This is where you can get your child thinking about dealing with the pressure. Work with them and think about what they might say or do if they feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do, such as: B. leaving a situation, calling a safe person, or having a specific phrase or excuse that they could use to get out of something.

That adult may not be you. But help your child find someone they can talk to when something goes wrong and they need help or support. They need someone who can hear what they are saying without judgment so they can speak honestly. Hopefully the adult can help them deal with difficult situations.

You can’t choose your child’s friends, but you can support certain friendships over others. It’s best not to bad-mouth other children, and some teenagers can be rebellious, which makes certain friendships more attractive when opposed to them. But try to encourage Game data or hanging out with friends who are positive role models or surrounding them with positive peers. This could be encouraging extracurricular sports, music or other hobbies and keeping them actively and positively engaged with their community or peers.

Children who feel good about themselves are less susceptible to peer pressure.⁹ So make sure your child has strong self-confidence positive self-esteem. This could mean making sure they have friends outside of school or the opportunity to do things they enjoy and are good at (to boost their self-esteem). It could also include help them develop gratitude or identify their strengths, skills and achievements.

Prepared, open, honest and non-judgmental communication with your child is crucial to helping them cope with peer pressure. It is important to give them the tools to deal with such situations, as there is a high chance that they will experience peer pressure at some point in their childhood or adolescence. Although peer pressure is usually perceived negatively, it is not always a bad thing. It is a normal part of learning how to get along with others in social settings and in everyday life.

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