I’ll be honest here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been there playground I was with my kids, watching the interactions between other kids and thinking, “Wow. This kid is going to be an asshole one day.” Of course, I would never say that out loud to anyone (well, maybe my sister, because I know she won’t judge me). But I definitely think so – a lot more than I’d like to admit. (Seriously, please tell me I’m not the only one!)
After I did that, I wondered if other people might think that about my children. God, I hope not! But I can’t deny that my kids aren’t perfect. When it comes to raising children, the early years are crucial as they set the “tone” for a child’s behavior, values and attitudes later in life. And studies show that disrespectful children become rude adults.1 It’s important that we don’t make excuses and instead address rudeness and disrespect head on. Our children need skills to cope with social situations and conflicts, as well as positive communication strategies that help them build healthy and adaptable relationships. . . and don’t turn into a hole!
How to raise a child who isn’t an a$$hole
There are many key strategies for raising a child to be a balanced, polite and well-adjusted child compassionate person. While I have listed specific strategies, it is also important to understand general things that can help them develop into good people. This includes clear boundaries; if you say no or set a limitkeep it.2 Let her get away with it Push boundaries is a surefire way to get our kids to push boundaries and not take “no” for an answer. Make sure that when you set limits or Followyou continue.
Another important point to remember is modeling – monkey see, monkey do. Your children will see how you handle situations and how you interact with people.3.4 So make sure you exhibit the behaviors you expect from them. Some other practical tips to ensure you don’t raise your child to be a hole-in-the-wall include:
1. Practice “Please” and “Thank You”
We should all have learned this basic concept from a young age. Unfortunately, I hear these simple words from children’s mouths less and less. Teaching our children to say “please” and “thank you” is an effortless way to encourage polite, respectful behavior.5 And remember: children learn most by watching YOU.12 Practice saying “please” and “thank you,” even to people you see every day and take for granted (hello, husbands!). This may lead to your children imitating this behavior.13
2. Teach good manners from the start
Again, good manners seem to have gone the way of the dodo. But when raising a child, it is important to teach him good manners from a young age. The simple act of teaching your child to say “excuse me” or “yes ma’am” or “yes sir” goes a long way. Your child will learn to show respect and consideration for others.6
3. Don’t give them everything they want
Look, I’m having trouble with this. One of my love languages is giving. I buy my children all sorts of things because I love them and always think about them make her happy. Despite my loving intentions, giving my children everything they want will do nothing but encourage them to become selfish, justified Idiots. That’s the last thing I want for her. Instead, I have to show restraint and show them that they can’t have everything. This will help them learn the lessons delayed compensation, gratitudehard work and gratitude.7
4. Start housework young
Give your child tasks From an early age, they learn responsibility, natural consequences (if they don’t do them), and the satisfaction of rewards for hard work. These are all Important lessons that can be learned from doing chores early.8th If you don’t raise a child to do chores and he is suddenly thrust into the real world (where people have to take on responsibilities and earn a living), he will be very unprepared.
5. Keep rewards reasonable
Don’t give your child $20 every time he completes the two tasks To do list. Don’t buy them a new iPad after that clean her room For the first time in six weeks. Be sensible about the rewards you give them; An award can be a simple “Well done, son!” and not money or things! When children become accustomed to rewards for prosocial behavior (or to behaviors that they are expected to repeat), they do not learn the real reason why those behaviors are necessary. Instead, they learn that they will receive a reward for doing so.9
6. Start community service for young people
Serve and voluntary work Participating in the community from an early age is a great way to teach your children the art of giving back and helping others. For example, at Christmas you can take your children to the local soup kitchen or involve them in it Filling stockings for less fortunate children. You can Involve your children in many acts of kindness for helping or giving back to their community. For our Children should develop empathyTherefore, as they consider and understand the needs of others, they must expand their circle of interests. When raising your child, it is important that he or she learns about other ways of life and considers and understands other people’s feelings.10
7. Point out the needs of others
Another way to expand their circle of interests is to help them understand other needs in their social environment or community. We were driving to our local nature center the other weekend and stopped at a traffic light near an overpass. We saw a homeless man on the corner with a sign asking for food or money. I never carry cash but instead give them food or something tangible they could use and the only thing I had was an unopened bottle of water. So I rolled down the window, gave the man my water, said, “God bless you,” and the light turned green.
As we drove away, my daughter asked great questions about this encounter and I told her that many people in this world don’t have a home, enough food, or even clean water to drink. It was an eye-opening moment for her and I know it will help her see the need around her.
8. Tell them about life in other countries
In the spirit of the story above, telling our children about the lives and problems of people in other countries – especially children – can help strengthen your child’s ability to empathize and think beyond their own boundaries They are the ones you can most identify with Bubble.10 For many people, not everything is sunshine and roses. I believe it is important for children to learn how blessed they are and to consider sharing those blessings with less fortunate children.
9. Write thank you notes
I may be the only mom who still writes old-fashioned thank you notes, but I don’t care. You are important! When you take the time to sit down and write a thank you letter for a gift or act of kindness you received, you will learn valuable lessons about gratitude and being grateful for gifts they have receivednot to mention it has a far greater impact on the recipient of the note.6 My children are still too young to write on their own. So we’re going to sit down and have my child dictate his thank you to me and I’m going to write it for him. Then I let them “sign” and “decorate” the card. They like to do this because it makes them feel good to know that they made someone smile by sending them a thoughtful message!
I’m sure there are many more ways to educate a child with important character building lessons to prevent them from becoming an asshole later in life. But I’ll start with these! If I do my job right, hopefully my children will be decent people. And I don’t have to worry about other parents one day judging them on the playground (or anywhere else).
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