Being a mother (or father) is a great privilege. Ultimately, the journey of parenthood gives us the opportunity to raise people with the morals, values, and care we believe is right. However, parenting is not always easy. Of course, there are many aspects of parenting that allow us mothers and fathers to feel confident in our work. However, there are just as many parts of the job that can be difficult to digest. Let’s explore some parenting truths that are hard to digest.
The harsh reality of parenting
If you’ve ever wondered if you’re doing the whole raising people thing right, you’re not alone. Personally, I can vouch that no one prepared me for the parts of parenthood that didn’t go as planned or as we would have liked. Here are a handful of parenting truths:
Parenting forces us to nurture our inner selves
Regardless of how well a person believes they are prepared for the role of “mother” or “father,” taking on the role of “mother” or “father” requires deep self-reflection. We are all influenced by who we were in our earliest years. Taking responsibility for shaping our children means that we also have to face the inner child in each of us. We have to feed ourselves before we can empathize with our little humans. This can be wonderfully rewarding and healing, but it is still difficult. Personally, I have spent years looking within and working through this concept. . . and I still have a long way to go. Therapy can work wonders here!
The “village” may not look like we imagined
From experience, one of the most heartbreaking realities of parenting is that some of the people we thought would show up without question in our children’s lives simply don’t. The “village” that everyone talks about is not something that all families take for granted, and that is painful. Not to mention, it’s downright lonely and sometimes isolating. We all need support, and it’s hard to come to terms with the reality of what that actually looks like (or doesn’t look like). Proactively starting your own village can be game-changing. This might mean joining an online or in-person mom support group, making friends with parents from school, or finding other ways to grow your community.
People will always have opinions (and unsolicited input)
Before I became a mother, I let other people’s opinions affect me far more than I should have. Shortly after giving birth to my daughter and son, I realized how important it is to my own peace to take what others think (and say) with a grain of salt. Opinions from outsiders about how you choose to parent shouldn’t matter. Still, it can be difficult to tune out the noise and focus on what matters does Object. So remember to trust your gut. You know your child better than any outsider.
Saying, “My parents did it and I was fine” is not a justification for your actions as a parent
No matter how well-intentioned our Just as our parents were when they raised us decades ago, parenting looks different today. The fact that we have all “done well,” regardless of the choices of previous generations, does not justify repeating undesirable patterns. We have more research and science and know better now. Parenting is not supposed to be linear. As uncomfortable as it can be to break the mold and distance yourself from other people’s expectations, you can be sure to raise your children in a way that looks different than before.
Discipline is not about punishment; It’s about teaching and guiding
While many of us probably grew up believing the opposite, effective discipline means guiding and teaching our children—not punishing them. As a former teacher who is now a mother of two children, I firmly believe in the power of targeted, positive discipline. My child decorated the walls with a marker masterpiece? Instead of sending her into time out (something I don’t do in our house), we’ll definitely have a conversation about what’s appropriate to color and what’s not. . . and actually sitting down to practice our skills together (on paper!). Reframing what we have been taught about discipline can take time, intention, and patience. But it will always be worth it.
Your child is not an extension of you and your missed dreams and ambitions
Our children are their own people. They are individuals with unique thoughts, feelings and needs. And it’s normal for us to have dreams for our babies and their lives. However, as they grow, it is also normal for us to find that our hopes for our children do not always align with their desires, interests, and aspirations. Parenthood is not an opportunity to reclaim what we longed for in our lives. Rather, it is an opportunity to support our children in shaping themselves into the people they are meant to be. This is an exciting reality, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t bittersweet at times. Remembering how important your supportive role is in your child’s journey can make this a little easier to digest.
Your child’s academic success does not define who they are as a person
It can easily happen that our school-age children place unnecessary emphasis on academic performance. However, there is much more to our little learners than just the scores they score on weekly tests and their rank on the school spelling bee. A child’s academic success does not define the best of who they are as a person, no matter what society would have us believe. Go ahead and celebrate your children for who they are beyond the books.
Parenting doesn’t stop when your child grows up
“You only have 18 summers” has become a fashionable quote to share online. But the truth is, parenting doesn’t stop when your child grows up. Instead, it continues to evolve. Sure, those of us with children ages 0 to 18 are right in the thick of things when it comes to active parenting. This is why it is absolutely important for us to appreciate these fleeting years and parent as mindfully as possible before sending our sons and daughters to college. On the other hand, it is just as important to think about the future in our daily interactions with our children – and in the relationships we build with them.
Parenting is about progress, not perfection
There is no foolproof way to become a parent, and There are no perfect parents. No matter how much love and effort we put into being the best mothers and fathers for our children, we will all fail sometimes. Again and again. But that doesn’t mean we don’t do great work. It simply means that we are human. Learning to accept the fact that we will We screw up our upbringing – and get used to progress perfection – can be difficult. Give yourself grace.
Parenting is hard – and that’s okay
Being a parent comes with endless responsibilities and expectations. Therefore, for any parent, even the most experienced among us, the journey of parenthood can easily be described as a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Being a parent is hard and there are many truths that come with the job that are even harder to digest. But you know what? That’s okay. We’re all out here doing our best and learning as we go, and that’s enough. I promise it.
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