If you saw that mom in the store the other day carrying a screaming toddler under her arm like a soccer ball and away from a candy display. . . That was probably me! We hit the terrible twos in my household with a vengeance. My older child is now 7 years old, so tantrums and big toddler feelings are a thing of the past and I had completely forgotten how intense this time is.
If you also have a toddler, you will undoubtedly experience this Despite, TantrumsAnd big emotions that accompany this infamous developmental stage.1 Some days (or even multiple times a day) your patience might be tested and you wonder how you will get through this challenging time. But surviving the terrible twosome doesn’t have to be a nightmare. With the right strategies and mindset, you can handle meltdowns and breakouts like a pro. So let’s look at some important tips to help you get through these difficult moments and support your child during this developmental period.
Understanding the “Terrible Twos.”
When my oldest baby was a toddler, I was warned about the “Terrible Twos.” I’m sure you’ve heard about them too, and it’s important to understand why our little ones experience them in the first place. This development phase is about independence and yours Child finds out boundaries and learn about their feelings.3.6 Our little people want to be in control of their world – they simply lack the proper skills or tools to communicate and get what they need.1 They are also not very well developed emotional intelligence or emotional regulation strategies. That means lots of tantrums, meltdowns, power struggles, and more.1
6 Tips for Surviving the “Terrible Twos”
Now let’s get to the “good things” – the practical strategies that will help you as a parent overcome this challenging phase:
1. Stay calm
I know that sounds easier said than done. But honestly, it’s important. If your Child meltsthen losing your temper or yelling at her will only add fuel to the fire. They need your help to regulate themselves now, so you need to be in a state of calm. Show them how you deal with stressful or frustrating situations – breathe calmly, calm your voice, do a mindfulness exercise, or Stretch your body. Do whatever it takes before You respond to your toddler.2
Also remember that the behavior you are seeing is due to their dysfunctional nervous system. It’s not that your child is a terrible child or that you are a terrible parent.1 When you better understand their behavior and have realistic expectations, it’s easier to stay cool, calm, and collected.
2. Stay consistent with your boundaries
This phase of development is all about cross-border. Your little person is trying to figure out the impact or outcome of his behavior. They want to see how far they can push things. . . And you. So one of the keys to surviving the terrible twos is have clear boundaries that you consistently enforce it. Assume that your toddler will try to exceed any limit you set. It’s normal – they want to understand what is acceptable (and what is not). Inconsistency makes it harder for them to learn. They may actually feel insecure if they don’t know what is expected of them or how you will react. This can lead to escalated or more demanding behavior when trying to figure out where the boundary is.3
For example, if you tell him he can’t have a candy bar in the store and it causes him to have a nervous breakdown, don’t give in. Otherwise, if you teach your child that if they scream, scream, kick, etc., you will give in and give them what they want. They won’t learn that “no” really means “no.”3
3. Minimize saying “no.”
Toddlers hear the word “no” all day, every day. And the word begins to lose meaning or significance. Stop focusing on saying “no.” or react negatively and try to reframe things. Instead of saying, “No, don’t jump on the chair,” you could say, “Chairs are for sitting.” This changes the focus and gets their brain thinking about the “right” choice.4
Also consider setting up a small area in your home or garden that is completely toddler-friendly so that your children can explore without you having to interrupt play or intervene with a “no.” This allows them to explore without you having to set boundaries. You can Experience independenceand you don’t have to fight about everything.4
4. Don’t fix everything for them; Instead, name your feelings
I know it’s hard when they are desperate. But when we step in and fix everything, we inadvertently tell our children that we don’t think they’re capable. We also don’t allow them to learn how to handle the next time something challenges or frustrates them. Taking a step back and letting them try to sort things out on their own also helps us as parents because we don’t feel the pressure to react to everything. We can save our energy and resources in case Do need our intervention and our help.5
An easy way to manage this is: name their feelings instead. For example, if you say, “I can see that you’re so angry that I cut your sandwich into squares instead of triangles,” you’re acknowledging how they’re feeling, even though you’re not necessarily addressing or solving the problem. They may simply have to accept the discomfort of certain feelings. Another example might be: “I see that you are really frustrated because every time you try to stack your blocks they fall over. I’m wondering if you could try again or stack the blocks differently?” This way you are acknowledging their emotions without actually fixing the problem (i.e. without directly fixing the block stack for them).5
5. Give them choices
Many Power struggles arise because our toddlers feel like they don’t have much control over their world. So give them some safe choices. For example, you could fill a drawer with appropriate clothing that your child would like to wear on a particular day. (We know that our little ones don’t always understand that they should wear certain outfits for certain activities, such as cozy clothes on a cold day or stretchy clothes for moving around the park.) Then let them choose their own outfit .1
Or maybe you want them to prepare to leave the house. So instead of a battle of wills or a meltdown from your child, you could ask her to choose: “Do you want to put your shoes on first?” Or do you want to brush your teeth first?” Having the choice gives your toddler a sense of autonomy, thereby many tantrums can be avoided. Ultimately, you still have responsibility and set boundaries, but your child has some sense of independence. The limit is that you leave the house and your child has to put on his shoes and brush his teeth. However, by giving them options, you reduce the likelihood that they will go back and forth and argue with you to get what they want.1
6. Start with them being good
In toddlerhood, emotions are more intense and we try to remain steadfast and maintain boundaries. This sometimes leads to negative conversations with our children. But we need to strike a balance and make sure we also have positive interactions.7 If we only talk about what they don’t do well or what challenges they have, it can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy as our children can start to believe that they are bad or naughty. In return, theirs self-esteem and self-confidence can suffer. This can lead to more demanding behavior, so we need to balance this with positive aspects.7
So try to catch your child being good and praise her or acknowledge what they do well. Or try creating a scenario where you can praise them, perhaps for an activity they are good at or enjoy. Maybe your child enjoys helping with the dishes or is skilled at building with blocks. Invite them to participate in these activities, then you can praise their efforts on these tasks.
The conclusion
Sometimes the right attitude is the best strategy for surviving the “terrible twos.” Do you have to fight every battle? No . . . This is simply stressful for you and your toddler. Use your energy for bigger things and don’t worry about the little things. It is also important to think about the positive aspects or small successes. You’ll probably feel overwhelmed or desperate if all you can think about are the challenges you face every day with your toddler.
Surviving the Terrible Two doesn’t just mean dealing with their breakdowns. Staying calm, giving them choices, and creating an environment where they can practice their independence will help you get through this period and support your child’s emotional and social development. The right attitude will help you remember that this phase is only temporary. Hang in there – you and your toddler did this!
Leave a Comment