As parents, we want the very best for our children – for them to be happy, have strong and positive relationships, and succeed in life. If we can instill respect in our little humans, we can give them the skills to develop and show empathy, view the world with compassion, and ultimately experience strong and mutually positive relationships.1 Raising respectful children is one of the most important tasks we must fulfill as parents, but that does not mean that it is easy. In fact, there are certain things we must learn in order to avoid do if we don’t want our children to be disrespectful.
10 Things to Avoid Raising Disrespectful Children
Here are 10 strategies that can help your child avoid behaviors that could lead to disrespectful behavior:
1. Don’t be inconsistent
Our children need consistency from us so that they understand what we expect from them. If we are inconsistent, it can confuse our little ones. If our children are unsure of what to do, they may observe disrespectful behavior. Regulate or how far they can push a boundary. It is important to set clear rules and Limits and set appropriate Follow (which you apply consistently) when they cannot comply. This consequence helps them learn what behavior is unacceptable and what rules to follow.1.2
2. Don’t be a role model for bad behavior
Our children are like little sponges. They are constantly learning and absorbing new information, including what they learn from us as parents. Children often copy and imitate their parents, and if you use mean words, break the rules, or are disrespectful to others… you can bet your child sees it too! And eventually, you’ll probably model that behavior in them, too. So pay attention to how you interact with others around you (not just your child). This will help them learn how (and why) it’s important to treat others with respect and empathy.3
3. Don’t ignore disrespect
When our children behave disrespectfully (especially in public), it’s sometimes tempting to ignore them or give in so you don’t make a scene and embarrass yourself. But when you ignore the problem and don’t address things like backtalk, attitude, or ignoring the rules, you’re signaling to your child that it’s OK to behave this way.4
4. Don’t overreact
Yes, I did say that you need to be consistent and respond fairly quickly to nip disrespectful behavior in the bud. However, you also need to keep your own emotions in check and be mindful of how you respond to your child’s disrespect. When a child (especially a teen) is disrespectful, it can be easy to react with anger or frustration. However, overreacting can escalate the situation and even reinforce negative behavior (depending on how you respond). I know it’s hard, but try to stay calm and address the situation or behavior in a measured and constructive way. Explain to your child why their behavior was unexpected or inappropriate. Explain the appropriate consequences and make sure your child understands what you’re saying.5
5. Don’t avoid consequences
It is all well and good to have clear Regulatebut without consequences, the rules themselves can be undermined. One effective way to prevent undesirable or rude behavior is to establish consequences for a disrespectful child. When your child disobeys the rules, there should be clear and immediate consequences. These consequences must be logical (i.e., “the punishment must fit the offense”), age-appropriate, and something you have negotiated ahead of time. If a consequence is logical, it will make more sense to your child, and he will be able to better connect his behavior and the undesirable outcome. For example, if he scolds his siblings, he may need some time to play alone. If he snatches toys, he may not be allowed to play with them.1
6. Don’t ignore positive reinforcement
Teaching respect is not just about consequences; it is also important to understand the power of positive reinforcement. When your child shows respect, empathy, or other prosocial behavior, be sure to acknowledge and praise them. This has a double effect – first, it encourages respectful behavior. (They will want the praise again. Or, to feel good, they will likely imitate the behavior that earned them the praise.) Second, it will promote good self-esteem increase their self-esteem.6
7. Don’t forget to teach empathy
Often disrespectful behavior is intentional. Our little ones are still learning the impact their behavior has on other people, so make sure you Teach your child empathy. You can start by teaching them the words for different emotions so they can describe and understand a wide range of feelings. Also, alert them when you recognize that emotion in yourself, your child, or others. This helps them make the connection between their own inner experiences (emotions) and other people’s feelings. You can also read them books to help them better understand other people’s experiences, or discuss different scenarios to get them thinking about how others might feel in certain situations.1
8. Don’t underestimate the influence of peers
While you do your best to Raise your child to be a compassionate person and respectful, it is wise not to underestimate the role of peers in developing and influencing your child’s behavior. This becomes increasingly important as children grow older and become teenagers. If your child plays with peers who display disrespectful behavior, he or she may start copying them to build connections or gain acceptance. Although we cannot always control who our child is friends with, we must keep a close eye on this behavior. We want to encourage friendships with people who hold similar values of respect and kindness, and make sure our children know how to say “no” or Avoid peer pressure.7
9. Don’t underestimate the value of communication
Open, transparent and respectful communication is key to preventing disrespectful behavior. When your child knows they can talk to you about difficult things, or when you take the time to really listen when they want to talk about those things, you create an environment where your child feels valued and understood. When children feel heard and acknowledged, it goes a long way toward reducing the likelihood of disrespectful behavior.1.4
10. Don’t forget to take care of yourself!
To control and reduce this behavior in children, it is important to remain calm when responding to disrespect. However, it is quite difficult to remain cool, calm and collected when you are not feeling at your best. Parents have to take care of themselves and learn relaxation or stress-reduction strategies so they feel better prepared to face the challenges of parenting. If you can manage your own stress and avoid taking it out on your child, you’ll be a great role model and give your child the support they need to learn all about respect.8
Raising respectful children is a lifelong journey. If you notice disrespect creeping into your child’s behavior or attitude, it’s not too late to take action. Understanding what causes a child to be disrespectful, recognizing the signs that they’re not respecting you or others, and knowing how to handle an angry, disrespectful child are all crucial steps to fostering a respectful attitude. By modeling respect, teaching empathy, and being consistent with rules, boundaries, and consequences, you can create an environment in your family where respect thrives.
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